You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
