i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
