i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
