eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
