I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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