her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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