we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have fence marks all over my body
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
