even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
