exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
