Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
