the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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