My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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