not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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