sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hippo gnu deer
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
