dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
