yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize