Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
