I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
