I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
