Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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