i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
