you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
