its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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