It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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