Already got asked if we're dating
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
