Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
