I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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