Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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