Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
