You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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