I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize