omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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