textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
