Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
