I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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