Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
