She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Less talking, more tequila
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
