i think my mom watched the whole time
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
