I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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