it wasn't lemon gatorade
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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