He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
