Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize