then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
