My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
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