Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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