dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
