hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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