Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
