i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize