Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
