can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
