i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
