She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
