i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize