Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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