you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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