So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
