I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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