Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
