I want to have your abortion
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
