Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
