You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
