I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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