pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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