I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You smell like stripper and shame
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
