Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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