I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize